Welcome to my home on the web. Feel free to look around and take part. Being a Purplonian is not necessary for participation.
Repurplicans and Plumocrats Battle for House Seats
April 29, PP – Thursday, President Oplumba rallied in the Fuchsia province for Plumocrat leaders in the House of Purpliment. The Oplumba Administration has their hearts set on approving President Oplumba’s Plumcare package, and needs to maintain a Plumocrat majority to do so. Repurplican leaders do not want the Plumcare plan to pass, giving tax increases and an alleged government takeover as reasons for their lack of cooperation. Plumocrats allege that the resistance of the Repurplicans toward the Plumcare plan is because of racism against Greenlings and other minorities, and a desire to give the money to the “Big Slime Industry” to become wealthy at the expense of most Purplonians.
Bill to Introduce Slimerette Smoking Restrictions
April 29 PP – A proposed bill in Purpliment seeks to restrict public smoking of slimerettes. Slimerettes are basically made from alien slime rolled in special paper and smoked for personal enjoyment. Purplonian health advocates claim many studies show that slimerettes are addictive and hazardous to the health. There are very few restrictions other than labeling them as addictive and not marketing them to Purplonian youth. Those marketing slimars, a related product, are required to list the exact types of slime used, and they must not import slimars from restricted planets, mainly Greenia. Even with frequent raids, Greenian slimars are still available in slime shops and plethanol establishments. The proposed bill will ban public slimerette smoking in and around certain venues, increase slimerette taxes by 2%, and seek to imprison those providing slimerettes to youngsters. Repurplicans oppose this bill, saying it increases government regulation, seeks to undermine parental authority, and reduces personal choice. Plumocrats say these new measures are necessary to curb underage slimerette smoking and reduce plumcare costs.
Mauve Slimeless of the Coalition to Stop Purplonian Smoking, or CSPS, says lives can be saved by reducing or eliminating slimerette and slimar smoking. She asks, “Do you wish for your little violets to grow up addicted and die of tentacle cancer?”
Fuchsia Slimemore says, “I don’t see why teaching our violet youth can’t be left up to the parents. My violets know better than to do that. They know smoking alien slime is plum stupid. If people want to light up, they should be able to, and the Purpliment should stay out of our personal liberties.”
- Watching slime-time television.
- Grooming their tentacles.
- Eye-stalk wrestling.
- Watering their purple plants.
- Playing alien card games. The suits are eye-stalks, tentacles, spaceships, and slime.
- Smoking slimerettes.
I found an ad for a new drink:
I would love to have her catsuit and hair!
I have a number of gripes about being a Purple space alien living on planet Earth.
First, medical care is a huge challenge on Planet Earth. Try to find tentacle lotion in your local pharmacy. You won’t find any. And if you ask the pharmacist, they will probably say they don’t have it or direct you to the jock itch creams and powders. So Purplings have to make do with whatever they can find. And if you have a problem with your tentacles, don’t ask around for a referral. Nine out of ten times, they will try to send you to see a urologist, and you have to tell them you said tentacles, and not testicles. We often have to ship Purplings back to Purplonia for medical care since there are very few deep space medicine specialists here on Earth.
Then we have to put up with all the pointing and stares, as well as blatant bigotry. I have to constantly say, “What you looking at? Haven’t you ever seen a Purple person before?” If it was just the pointing, staring, and comments, I wouldn’t complain. Housing and employment discrimination are among the problems. “Why won’t you hire me? Is it because I’m Purple?”
And then we meet brave people who think they have a right to just come up to us and touch us, and mess with our tentacles. We have so many tentacles that a lot of the Purple women and girls braid them. Even some of our male Grape stars in the music industry braid their tentacles because they believe it gives them a hard edge. And a lot of the Earthlings try to critique how we style our tentacles, and they don’t even have any.
There are also the impacts of American culture on the Purple-American family. The break-down of the Purple-American families turns our little Violets violent. So go to our neighborhoods, and you will see purple alien slime on the walls of businesses, on vehicles, and on bridges and water towers. Some of it is artistic, some is profanity, and much of the rest is gang-related. And our youth are sliming each other in the streets like they had no upbringing.
Maybe someone has some jokes they want to share. Of course, here is the most well-known purple joke.
Here, in this word game on Topix, I asked about a nonexistent planet. On the next page, they talked about kidnapping me. They wanted to borrow one of my antennae, and if they couldn’t do that, they would take me with them.
And here are some of my hangouts: