Purplonian Times

Repurplicans and Plumocrats Battle for House Seats

April 29, PP – Thursday, President Oplumba rallied in the Fuchsia province for Plumocrat leaders in the House of Purpliment.  The Oplumba Administration has their hearts set on approving President Oplumba’s  Plumcare package, and needs to maintain a Plumocrat majority to do so.  Repurplican leaders do not want the Plumcare plan to pass, giving tax increases and an alleged government takeover as reasons for their lack of cooperation.  Plumocrats allege that the resistance of the Repurplicans toward the Plumcare plan is because of racism against Greenlings and other minorities, and a desire to give the money to the “Big Slime Industry” to become wealthy at the expense of most Purplonians.

Bill to Introduce Slimerette Smoking Restrictions

April 29 PP – A proposed bill in Purpliment seeks to restrict public smoking of slimerettes.  Slimerettes are basically made from alien slime rolled in special paper and smoked for personal enjoyment.  Purplonian health advocates claim many studies show that slimerettes are addictive and hazardous to the health.  There are very few restrictions other than labeling them as addictive and not marketing them to Purplonian youth.  Those marketing slimars, a related product, are required to list the exact types of slime used, and they must not import slimars from restricted planets, mainly Greenia.  Even with frequent raids, Greenian slimars are still available in slime shops and plethanol establishments.  The proposed bill will ban public slimerette smoking in and around certain venues, increase slimerette taxes by 2%, and seek to imprison those providing slimerettes to youngsters.  Repurplicans oppose this bill, saying it increases government regulation, seeks to undermine parental authority, and reduces personal choice.  Plumocrats say these new measures are necessary to curb underage slimerette smoking and reduce plumcare costs.

Mauve Slimeless of the Coalition to Stop Purplonian Smoking, or CSPS, says lives can be saved by reducing or eliminating slimerette and slimar smoking.  She asks, “Do you wish for your little violets to grow up addicted and die of tentacle cancer?”

Fuchsia Slimemore says, “I don’t see why teaching our violet youth can’t be left up to the parents.  My violets know better than to do that.  They know smoking alien slime is plum stupid.  If people want to light up, they should be able to, and the Purpliment should stay out of our personal liberties.”


One Response to “Purplonian Times”

  1. wikiriwhi Says:

    As Max ‘the brilliant’ Keiser asserts, we can only really benefit with Pliver…purple liver.

    Not that rare and in huge demand lately. In fact, more than a sliver is being traded in purple liver.

    Advice for Purplonians is to research Pliver with the brilliant Max. Also stay away from black market which is red with error and dictated by the darkness scum which is cold gold sachs and at emnity to purple virtue.

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